Regret

 once i read about write and you will heal. so this is it. i will write about it.

my mother died on May 19th, 2019. so this a story about one day earlier. May, 18th, 2019

it is saturday. regular saturday. its Ramadhan. so i fasting that day. usually every saturday we will go to my parents house. we stay there until sunday. but in this regular saturday i decide to stay at home. that one time. i decide to stay at home. for no particular reason. i just want to stay at home. 

nothing happen at that night. we just do our routine activity. and than i sleep.

i wake up around 03.45 AM. its Ramadhan so we have to do the Sahur. after the sahur i pray Subuh. and after that i go back to sleep. 

Around 6.00 AM my phone ring. its my sister number. i pick up the phone. just one line. and my world Schock. i get up and take a bath. i cry there. after that i tell my wife and i cry as hard as i can. i remember, that was the last time i cry so hard because of my mom. 

that is regret. thousand what if running on my mind. what if i do this, what if i do that, what if i did this, what if i did that, and another what if. 

that is regret.